Failing
by Caryl4ever
Summary: Theres a certain pain that you cant get over. No one can, but when you have that one certain thing, that pain is worse. Daryl cant express it enough. Brace yourselves all ye who read this.


Its that one feeling that hurts the most. The knowing that you can't do anything about it. Watching Carol wince in pain as that one walker _that one walker_ started ripping at her flesh. That feeling knowing I failed her. I promised her I would never _ever_ do that to her. She screamed but I couldn't hear her. I seemed so far away but I was _right next to her_. She kept yelling for me to look at her. I never want to see her in pain. I stared at the wall on the other side of the room. Walkers were tearing out my flesh. Carol needed me to look at her to see that _I_ was ok, to hold _my _gaze one more time. I couldnt, I _didnt_ look at her. I failed her twice. Letting the walkers rip me apart, I couldnt even feel _that_ pain. No, I felt the _failure_, I lost her, while she _trusted_ me. Trying to protect her when the herd came through I kept her behind me, getting our backs against a wall. I tried to kill all of those walkers coming at us. And _she_ got bit first. I failed her three times. She was gripping my hand trying to stay standing. Still screaming for me. I couldnt hear her over the thoughts in my head. I couldnt feel the burn of blood flowing out of my vains, down my arms and onto the ground into a neat little puddle. I couldnt feel the pain of rotten death because of the pain of knowing I let her down. I caused her to be screaming right now. I told her again and again that I would always be there to protect her no matter what, no matter _what_ and I got her killed. She was still trying so hard to get my attention as she was slipping to the floor. I was waiting to feel even _more_ pain by watching my life before my eyes. It made it all even worse than it _already was_. Seeing Sophia in the barn again. Thinking about how I told her _I _would _find her_. Even if it _killed me_. I failed her four times. All I've done to her was break promises. I still _love_ her. She doesnt deserve me, she deserves _better_. Someone who keeps their promises. I would die without her. But I _love her too much_. I would be willing to let her leave me, when I told her I wouldnt let her, she promised she wouldnt, but I would let her in the end. I would let her tell me she hates me. I would let her _kill me_ herself. I love her _that much_. Her hand was still in mine as she was softly calling my name. A man like me in this kind of world only cries once. One time is the last time. Or not at all. I couldnt help her. It was killing me. I barely felt the tears streaming down my face. I wanted so badly to squeeze her hand in return. The only way I could say_ sorry._ But I lost feeling from the elbow down. I failed her five times. I wanted to call to _her_ but I dont think I would be able to bear it, even if I could speak right now. I know it would hurt her to hear it, I already basicly _killed_ her, so I kept it to myself. Her hand was slipping from mine, whispering "I love you", I tried so hard to grab her hand, to bring her back. But all I could do was stand there. Walkers were still biting off every inch of flesh I had left. Why wasn't I dead yet? Why wont this kill me? I have nothing left anyway. _She's gone._ I have _nothing_. Nothing to gain and nothing to lose. I want her back. I would do anything. I love her. I hope for the best for her. I want her to be _happy._ I know this world isnt the best way to live, but I still want her alive. I would try to keep it as normal as possible for her. I want her happy, And safe. And _alive._ I want her to get up and walk it off. Say she was kidding and pull off fake bite marks even though I really _was_ bit. Yeah it would hurt me, but I would be thankful that shes alive. She could go on fo the _both of us_. I love her that much. I need her to be ok. Even though I know shes dead. I want to hope for her life when she grabs my arm again. I cant bring myself to think that shes ok. I know that shes not and that theres no chance. But I want her to be alive and well so _badly_, I would do anything. _Anything _for her life. I want so bad for her to be happy. For her to back to her normal life. With no fear of being eaten. I want her to have life. I would give her mine, but that wouldn't do her any good now. I love her and would do anything for her. So when _she_ starts ripping at _my_ flesh...I lover her enough, more than enough, more than anything...I let her.


End file.
